Where did this obsession with the word STUCK come from? Have you noticed coaches and counselors throw it around all the time?
“I help people who are stuck.”
“I help people with their feelings of STUCKNESS.” What does that even mean? I can ask this question because I am guilty of using the term stuck and perpetuating the problem. I’m basically calling myself out.
I’ve decided I don’t like the term Stuck. To me, it is vague and useless. If you ask someone what they feel stuck about they generally can’t verbalize it because the word STUCK is fuzzy.
Stuck is a past-tense, past-participle of Stick, which is a word with a multitude of meanings. In this instance Stick generally means to firmly put or set in a specified place or position. See how useless the word STUCK is? It means nothing really.
The word cemented, a synonym for stuck, is a much better way to describe the feeling sensation of being stuck. It conjures up thoughts that help us genuinely identify the emotions attached to the resistance that leaves us spinning our wheels based on patterns we developed early on.
Here are a few examples.
(Client) “I feel stuck.”
(Me) “Really? Can you explain?”
(Client) “No. Not really. I just sort of feel stuck.”
(Me) “ Can you say more?”
(Client) “No. It’s hard to explain.”
(Me) “Yes, that is because the word stuck is vague and ambiguous.”
VS.
(Client) “I feel cemented.”
(Me) “Really? Can you explain more?”
(Client) “Yes. Cemented. I can’t move forward. It’s a heavy feeling. In fact, I feel trapped. I have no momentum. I don’t see a way to get on a clear path. I can’t get back on track or move forward because I am cemented in place.”
Now with that description, we can do some good work. “Heavy Feeling. Trapped. Clear Path. On Track. Move Forward.”
We can begin to work with the feeling of sensations associated with those words. We have something to work with. Not vague generalities.
It is so much easier to help people when we use meaningful language.
*Mindfulness Tip: The human language is exquisite. Using words to genuinely describe feelings and sensations sets us apart from not only every other species in the Animal Kingdom but also from machines and technology.
If we want to evolve, to engage, and to develop our emotional intelligence and intuition, we need to start using our evolved language capabilities. That might sound counterintuitive to developing a mindfulness practice. Most people would assume language is not important when being mindful.
Clear, effective, descriptive, pointed, meaningful language will always be important to increasing awareness. The art of clearly articulating is a high-level executive function. When we articulate what we want, need or intend, we will benefit and so will everyone else.
Let’s review.
(Client) “I feel stuck.”
(Me) “Can you describe what that feels like?”
(Client) “No. It just feels stucky.”
VS
(Client) “I feel cemented in place.”
(Me) “Can you describe what that feels like?”
(Client) “Yes. I can’t move. I am shackled.”
(Me) “Anything else?”
(Client) “Being shackled feels scary and lonely.”
(Me) “Can you describe what scary and lonely feels like?”
(Client) “It feels like rejection.”
(Me)” Are you ready to talk about that?”
(Client) “Yes. Now that I know what I want to talk about.”